I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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