He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
