Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
