I wish I could punch you in the face.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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