we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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