Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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