i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
