The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
