I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
