wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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