There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
