my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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