His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
