There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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