Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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