I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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