i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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