i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
