If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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