Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
