I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
