I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
