we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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