saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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