Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
