Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
