Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
