I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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