I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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