I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
