she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
