Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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