Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
