I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
