oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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