we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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