The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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