i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
