I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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