you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
