Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
