Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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