i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
