Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
