So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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