Having a random hookup so left but love u
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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