There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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