if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
