Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
