bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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