Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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